Goodness Gracious Great Balls Of Granite Quest Guide
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt features an incredibly vast selection of side content, but few quests match the pure comedic value found in the Blood and Wine expansion. Titled Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Granite!, this memorable secondary quest tasks Geralt of Rivia with solving a highly unusual theft in the vibrant city of Beauclair. Finding the perpetrator and deciding the fate of the stolen property requires a mix of witcher tracking skills and moral decision-making.
Starting the Investigation in Beauclair
To begin this quest, you must navigate to the art curator located near the statue of Reginald d'Aubry in the heart of Toussaint's capital. Upon speaking with the distressed curator, Geralt learns that the statue's most notable anatomical features have been cleanly sawed off. You will need to use your Witcher Senses to examine the vandalized monument and locate a trail of scent left behind by the thief.
Following the red scent trail leads Geralt through the cobblestone streets of the city to a secluded residential building. As you approach the entrance, you will immediately hear loud, enthusiastic noises coming from inside the home. This audio cue confirms you have tracked the stolen artifact to its temporary resting place.
Confronting the Stolen Artifact Thief
Stepping inside the residence triggers a humorous cutscene involving an elderly man named Hughes and his much younger partner. It turns out that the legendary granite testicles possess a supernatural virility charm, giving the old man renewed vigor. Geralt must intervene in the situation and decide how to resolve the ownership dispute between the thief and the city curator.
The game presents you with a clear choice regarding how to conclude this bizarre asset recovery assignment. You can either demand the return of the stones immediately or allow the elderly gentleman to keep them for one more day to fulfill his personal needs. Choosing to wait requires you to return to the house after twenty-four hours have passed in the game calendar.
Choosing the Final Quest Outcome
If you decide to let Hughes keep the statue parts temporarily, he will eventually hand them over peacefully alongside a modest gold reward. Alternatively, using force or demanding them right away can lead to minor complications, but it secures the items for immediate return. Once the granite pieces are safely back in Geralt's inventory, you must head back to the curator to finish the contract.
Returning the artifact to the curator completes the quest, earning Geralt a substantial chunk of experience points and financial compensation. As an added bonus, visiting the fully restored statue later allows you to interact with it for a temporary stamina and vitality buff. This unique gameplay effect makes the quest well worth completing for players looking to optimize their combat performance across the duchy.